Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
