Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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