Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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