There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
