I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
