don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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