apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's even glitter on my cock...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
