p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
