Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
