but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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