No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
