My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
