The maid of honor just puked.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
