I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
