Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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