Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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