apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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