Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
