Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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