He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone signed my nipple.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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