Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
