dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
