please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
