I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
