I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
