U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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