My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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