So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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