Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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