you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
