Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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