Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
