Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
