It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
