i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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