She said her name was "party"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it hurts more in the daytime
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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