no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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