I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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