i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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