shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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