Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Boobs are out for the taking
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We are all done wearing pants today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
