I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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