i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
