I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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