Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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