i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
