Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
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