she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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