listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
