I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
