apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
