So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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