I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Text me some of your sweat
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
