By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
