4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Farmville is her only friend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
