ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
