I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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