her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
