I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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