PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
