I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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