I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
