: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
