We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
please come you make the beer taste better
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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