I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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