Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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