So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
