Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
