so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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