I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
