Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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