we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
