Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
