After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
