Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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