I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
